There are few people on the planet I have more fun with than this wild child, bestselling author Jen Sincero.
Today I am excited to share with you an excerpt from Jen’s new book- “” You Are A Badass, Now Start Acting Like One“ Published by Running Press. It will make you feel like you can do anything…And put a smile on your face!
Chapter 27: BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible.”
—Audrey Hepburn; actress, icon, fabulist
My grandmother on my mother’s side lived to be one hundred years
old. Nana was as WASPy as they make ’em: prissy, reserved, able to
avoid confrontation with the skilled precision of an F-16 pilot. For as
long as I can remember, she always looked exactly the same. She was
eternally adorned in a cardigan, pinned together at the top by an
antique broach, her pink lipstick and sparkly brown eyes shining
through a face-full of wrinkles that erupted in a series of “oh dears”
every time she laughed.
In her long lifetime, Nana witnessed the birthing of such pivotal human
achievements as the phone, the car, the TV, human flight, the
computer, the internet and rock and roll.
The two things that blew her mind the most, however, were putting
a man on the moon and the soda dispensers at McDonalds. She’d
stand there watching, gripped by disbelief, as an employee placed a
cup, small, medium or large, beneath a spout, pushed a button and
walked away, leaving the machine to fill it up the perfect, proper
amount. “How does it know where to stop?” Nana would shake her
head, mortified, “How does it know ?!”
After we figured out how to clone a sheep, she pretty much threw
in the towel on ever questioning anything again.
One day my family took her out for lunch to a restaurant on the
top floor of some giant hotel. When we got into the elevator, someone
accidentally pushed the button for the floor we were already on the
moment the doors closed, making them open right back up again.
Thinking we’d just gone up forty-five-flights in a split second, we
watched my sweet little grandmother exit the elevator, nervously patting
her hair as she wandered down the hallway muttering to herself,
I want to sign off here by encouraging you to pursue your dreams
with the same belief that anything is possible as a little old lady in
knee-high stockings and sensible heels who was born in 1903 and
lived through the most technologically flabbergasting century to date.
Whatever you desire to do with your precious life—write jokes or
rock out or start a business or learn to speak Greek or quit your job
or raise a bunch of kids or fall in love or lose your flab or open
orphanages around the world or direct movies or save dolphins or
make millions or live in a canyon in a loincloth—believe that it’s possible.
And that it’s available to you. And that you deserve to
Give yourself the permission and the means (yes, this includes the
money), to be who you are REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYBODY
ELSE THINKS OR BELIEVES IS POSSIBLE. Do not deny yourself
the life you want to live because you’re worried you’re not good
enough or that you’ll be judged or that it’s too risky, because who does
that benefit? No one, that’s who. When you live your life doing the
things that turn you on, that you’re good at, that bring you joy, that
make you shove stuff in people’s faces and scream, “check this out!!!”
you walk around so lit up that you shoot sunbeams out of yer eyeballs.
Which automatically lights up the world around you. Which is precisely
why you are here: to shine your big-ass ball of fire onto this
world of ours. A world that literally depends upon light to survive.
You are powerful. You are loved. You are surrounded by miracles.
Believe, really believe that what you desire is here and available to
Archimedes said “Give me a lever long enough and strong enough and I can move the earth.”
I hear it said all the time- “I need 2 of me to get everything done!” “If only I could duplicate myself”… Well, what if you could?
There is only so much an individual can do on their own. You are a limited resource!
But when you apply leverage…That’s when the magic begins.
I am not going to lie to you;
Being a mother and running a successful business, and having plenty of time for yourself is nearly impossible…UNLESS you have support and leverage.
Let me share with you the keys to having time and making your business ‘work’
Packages- No more 1-1 time for money, you need to start thinking 1 – MANY. 1-100, 1-1000… or even 1-10 is a great start!
How can you leverage your time and get paid 10 times as much for one hour?
Here are some suggestions:-
Create products and then record them so you get paid to create themand get paid over and over again when they sell!
Increase your 1-1 hourly rate so that it is your premium way to work with you.
Package your expertise: Consider creating groups that focus on solving a particular problem your clients have (BIG TIP!) (i.e. losing the last stubborn 10lbs)
Marketing:- There is nothing that leverages a business’s profits faster than good marketing. Marketing is a key skill that you continually develop – and you need to mix up your mediums, try free teleseminars or webinars, reports, videos and sales pages…
Your marketing needs to be a priority, don’t avoid it because of fears of being visible or ‘showing off’ (I see this all too often in talented women!)
Give yourself permission to shine and create the business and lifestyle you deserve.
When you allow yourself to get support you will be 100 times better at what you do well and really LOVE!
WHY? Simply because You will have more you left to GIVE to your clients, your man, your child, and your friends and loved ones- including yourself.
It’s so important to let go of the tasks that you do not need to do anymore.
Lately one of the things I have been working on with my current clients is how they can outsource and collaborate with others to free themselves to work in their own zone of genius or ‘Gift Zone’.
It seems bonkers to me that there is so much stigma about a woman having household help and yet childcare is commonplace- so are we saying its okay for mothers to outsource their kids but not their dishes? I really feel that women with a passion they are pursuing need as much domestic support as possible, along with childcare if that is what they require/desire.
There is no right or wrong with this and every family is as unique as every woman. The first step is to allow the idea and the reality that you don’t have to be the one to do everything. You can outsource all kinds of draining, time consuming activities from school runs to laundry and ironing and replace them with income generating activities that might be a better fit to your gifts, give you more joy, more energy and more money!
Money is a renewable resource, your time is not…
This is new paradigm, Age of Aquarius business- collaborating and communing to get the best outcome for all. How can you dump what you don’t love doing today and create a win for you, your clients, your family and those you work with??
My feature video today is about your dream team, and I will introduce you to 2 members of my dream team, who support me energetically and physically.
So How do you Manifest Your Dream Team?
A useful exercise is to list your own ‘dream’ team- who would it include? Don’t miss anyone out! From VAs to Accountants to yoga teachers, mentors and peer groups – I see all this support as absolutely crucial to my business and life ease and success- now more than ever- mothers need more support than anyone. The catch is you may not believe you deserve it, or that it is possible for you.
I am here to tell you that it is, and it is worth the inner work you must do to shift this out dated pattern of sacrifice, settling for less, and not believing and perceiving the amazing possibilities all around you offering you support and love- so you can Get Your Gifts Out and thrive doing what you love.
Here is a snap shot of who I have on my team in no particular order:
Mentor- monthly and when needed
Therapist – weekly
High Level Peer Groups & Friends/Colleagues in UK, Ecuador & USA- as and when- annually for Ecuador retreats
Yoga Teacher- weekly
Personal Trainer- weekly
Accountant, – quarterly
Bookkeeper – weekly/monthly
Virtual Assistant x2- weekly/sporadically depending on launches etc
Virtual Business Manager – most days
Nanny (UK) twice weekly
Creche- every now and then
Shaman – Monthly energy work
This doesn’t even include my family, friends, hairdressers, health experts like my local homeopath and my amazing beautician, and I am sure a ton more besides. But as you can see- it really does take a village!
Here are my 4 tops tips to receive support in your life:
Allow yourself to receive. Where are you blocking your good by refusing to accept/allow help and support? Affirm: “I am safe in the Universe and allow life to support me in my purpose now”. Breathe.
Make a list of your dream team. Price it up roughly and get grounded about how much money you need to make every month to hire your dream team.
Take action! You can call you team into being, it is a process and I suggest you just make a start with the biggest priorities for you…Don’t use logic allow your intuition to guide you.
Ask: ask around, ask God/The Universe for what you need. If you haven’t received it yet and are ‘waiting’ just check in that you asked in a way that someone would actually want to give to you. i.e. “Dear life/God/Universe/your angel… I am struggling to do everything at the moment and need your help. Please help me find the perfect nanny/VA/cleaner etc etc for my highest good now. I am handing this over to you and trust it will unfold perfect, Thankyou so much.”
Please share tips and comment below- who is on your team that you could not live without?
I decided to work at a nearby cafe in the countryside, and sat down to write.
I drank a coffee,
Checked some email.
I tapped my fingers on the table
I moved to sit outside.
I have learnt an incredibly important lesson in my years as a business owner about struggle.
Struggle is a state of being, not doing.
‘Work’ Does not have to be ‘HARD’ as our programming would have us believe.
Most of the actual tasks we need to do to make our businesses run effectively and make money are fairly simple. Easy, even….However, we can choose to experience struggle when we go about them.
We can people please, get distracted, beat around the bush – and prove to ourselves the belief of how hard it really is to achieve our dreams.We can tell ourselves “its so hard” and we don’t have enough of this, that, or the other.
But the truth is success and abundance are natural.
It is our unconscious beliefs, patterns and limitations that hold us up and get in the way of the wellspring and natural flow.So…Back to the story, and back to my sorry state.
I looked around me at the sun glistening on the rolling fields and felt my desire stirring.
How many days had it been since I had walked in nature?
With the nights drawing in and the temperature dropping I had been avoiding taking walks for even 5 minutes- a success habit for me that is crucial to my flow.
Hence my creative constipation, fatigue and general misplaced annoyance at inanimate objects, well meaning human beings, and even my loved ones. Oh yes, my funk was doing its best to contaminate everything around me!
Nature was quietly calling me, outstretched, open, inviting me to smell the earthiness of her soil, taste the freshness of the November air and hear the beautiful song of the birds.
Fortunately, I have learned the antidote to struggle….
I have discovered a secret….The one thing that no matter how dark my despair, how black my mood or how insurmountable a problem seems that can lift me up and out of it…
The one thing I have to completely allow when the going gets tough or when my ‘plan’ is not working…
The one thing I resist the most when I need it the most…
The one thing?
Sweet Surrender. Surrender is not about giving up. It is about letting go.
Letting go of control.
The control that we *think* we need is ironically the biggest obstacle to creating the life waiting for us.
The moment I realized that my inability to be in flow was my inability to surrender I allowed my logical ‘I have lots to do’ ego mind to subside and just started walking and walking, climbing over gates and stiles, picking my way through muddy puddles and thoroughly enjoying breathing and moving my tense body.
I began to unwind and leave all the ‘stuckness’, anxiety and frustration behind.
I know it sounds simple, and it is simple…
…but, how many times are we like the fly trying to escape, bashing our heads against some invisible barrier, whilst the open window is just millimeters away?
In spite of all my breakthroughs, inspite of what I know, what I teach, what I live, every now and then it occurs to me again-
“Ohhhh… I need to ‘do’ the one thing I am not allowing….I need to surrender.”
And when I do, then the passion rises in me again, the words flow, my imaginations soar, my energies rise and this is all reflected in my clarity, profitability, my productivity and my sense of wellbeing.
Surrender is the secret sauce when it comes to living our lives and businesses on purpose…So my question to you today is Have you surrendered? If not, are you willing to be available? Or are you at war with the Divine, insisting on doing it all your way, your plan?
Think about it- God provides everything needed for nature to thrive- the blueprint, the environment, the purpose…wouldn’t it be obvious that as part of nature we are also extended that privilege?
Your birthright and inherent nature is successful and abundant.
You are now and always have been perfect. Yet we push and we strive, and we try and be perfect- thinking if we can just do everything *right* then we will meet with our heart’s desire, not realizing that with every push we push further away from us what we wanted.
Our ego insists it has the answers, it – and it alone- knows the way, and shoves us along it, not wanting us to reflect, to listen, to change…
And yet when we give our soul the space, when we surrender, we remember our power, we inhabit our true frequency of love- and we hear the Divine within us which invites us to trust our desires, accept our destiny, allow our good fortune and receive our knowing.
Surrender frees us. Sometimes we become so fixed on an outcome that we miss out on the beautiful life unfolding around us- to really appreciate our partners, our friends, our beautiful children and the life we *get* to live.
When we let go and connect to our true heart’s desire the Divine plan for us is allowed to unfold.
The Art of Surrender in 3 Simple Steps
Pay Attention: What is no longer working in your life? What no longer serves you or is working? You know the truth when you are presented with it, and the truth- no matter how much you resist it – will set you free.
Deepen Your Faith: Offer your struggles to the Divine and move out of the way. Allow God/the Universe to handle it and stop the story of struggle.You need to trust to follow the guidance that you will receive- even if you are scared to take it.
Love Yourself: Self- love gives you the courage to surrender and have the self-preservation to take the leap of faith. It may seem counter-intuitive but saying yes to yourself shows that you believe you matter and are ready for an improved situation- In the eyes of the Divine you are infinitely valuable and more loved than you can fathom
There is no set way to surrender, just close your eyes and let go.
Hey there, I made this video for you if there’s something you need to do – like write a blog post, make some sales in your heart based business, speak on a stage, promote something you have created or basically need to ‘show up’ but have huge fears and can’t seem to quieten the negativity that stops you shining.
I share with you my simple tip to how I personally get out of my own way when it comes to doing what I love…
So what do you think? Was this useful for you and can you apply it right now? What do you feel inspired to do, be or create that maybe you have been running from? And what tips do you have to get out of your own way? Let us know in the comments below. Thanks for Sharing.
I’ve come to believe that a huge block for most heart-centered entrepreneurs and women with a big mission but who are not yet living the life of their dreams are held back by a truly paralysing fear:
The fear of criticism
The truth is that when you start really saying YES to yourself and your dreams, it will feel uncomfortable to take those steps forward at times, and you may well be criticised.
Now, for a sensitive person criticism feels not like a scratch but like a deep cut.
Criticism is cryptonite to creativity, joy and the ability to follow our hearts.
The thing is though, your sensitivity is part of your gift as a creative. It is what allows your intuition to be so finely tuned, your empathy to be so resonant, and your heart to be so open and full of love.
So how do you walk the bold path of creating your dream life whilst retaining your sensitivity and being powerfully grounded in your truth, no matter what?
Since criticism has been at the cornerstone of our education and upbringing, most people are walking around with a pervasive sense that they themselves are somehow ‘wrong’. It is a deep sense of shame and guilt that destroys their ability to respond authentically and act powerfully.
The sense of being somehow inferior, or unacceptable, and inherently ‘wrong’ is a subtle state of mind hampering your ability to truly be powerfully YOU.
Here’s 3 ways this shows up in business- and what to do about it so that you can cleanse criticism out of your life and flourish instead of flounder.
See which ones apply to you and take the steps to overcome them so you can get your book done, finally speak your truth, raise your prices or whatever else you have held back from for fear of being criticised or judged and become the powerful creator you are born to be.
1. Not putting yourself or your work ‘out there’…
in any shape or form and having a low self image that criticizes every reflection or portrait of yourself
In business this shows up as- resistance to creating articles/videos/bios/blogs, fear of ‘being visible’- avoiding photos, sharing, making comments and participating in social media.
2.Not disagreeing with anyone or speaking your truth …
unless you feel it is ‘accceptable’ to social norms
This shows up in a business as a failure to set and keep strong boundaries, placating or tolerating sloppy work or behaviours from your team, and acquiescing to what others say is ‘truth’ rather than checking in, speaking up, and making a stand for yourself.
It can also manifest as not telling people about what you do in a powerful way, and in attracting many clients who want you to take responsibility for them, who blame you and make you ‘wrong’.
3. Not trusting, hearing and following your own energy, your gut knowing and your inner yearnings.
This shows up as ‘squelching’ your desires, believing that it’s ‘all work and no play’ and failing to act on your inner leanings towards a certain place, experience, or mentor- or even outfit or opportunity.Often the root cause of this is overly harsh criticism of yourself and a critical inner monologue that starves you of self love, support and acceptance.
It’s Probably NOT Your Fault
Before I share how to cleanse criticism from your life and overcome these fears, I want to remind you why we criticise…
Why Do We Criticize?
We criticize because we somehow believed it was helpful. Our parents, teachers, brothers, sisters, even friends have been on the giving and receiving end of criticism. We thought that pointing out what was wrong with someone or the World in our eyes would make them ‘better’ – and we included ourselves in this.
This ‘pocket full of criticism’ has been as intrinsic to our upbringing as a glass of milk… You need only to sit in a family restaurant to hear how pervasive this ‘making wrong’ is and how deep rooted in our society’s vocabulary and values it goes “Mia, sit down you’ll fall”… “Stop slouching you look awful”… “Sit properly at the table” … “Well you haven’t done a very good job of eating your lunch, why aren’t you enjoying what I got for you?” “I paid for that, it’s ungrateful not to finish your meal…some children have nothing…” “Shame on you…” etc etc )
So how do you get out of the debilitating cycle of criticism and begin to move forward freely?
You have to cut criticism out of your life completely.
Yep, you have to go criticism cold turkey. Criticism is an addiction, a toxic habit.
There is only one way to break an addiction- make the decision and eradicate it completely from your life.
You must refuse to criticize yourself or others and bite your tongue when the temptation or craving arises,
Here are some ideas how you can cut criticism out of your life and enjoy more power, freedom and joy from your life and creativity:
Start a new habit of finding things you like and appreciate about yourself and others
Learn to say ‘thankyou’ when you receive a compliment instead of deflecting or feeling guilty.
Do not put yourself or others down.
Do not read cheap and nasty little magazines full of gossip, judgement and tittle tattle.
Listen to inspirational audios and feel good music…
Start seeing everything as perfect. All is well. In the eyes of the Divine everything is as it should be. There is no need to change, heal, fix anything, nothing and no one is broken.
See the beauty in everything and everyone and appreciate what works in your life and your abilities….
After a 21 day criticism cleanse your system, body, work and mindset will thank you for it- and you’ll probably even notice a rise in your energy levels and finances too!
Let me know your thoughts and feelings on this?
I’d love to hear your experiences or ideas on how you deal with criticism from your self or others? Which of these ideas can you apply?
I hear it all the time- “You make it look so easy”, “stuff just seems to fall in your lap”, “it will work out for you, it always does”- (and some who just say – You are such a lucky b**ch!)
Friends, family, clients they all comment and sometimes they say ‘How do you do it?’
In the last few years I have travelled to South America several times to the Andes mountains and the Amazon jungle, been to Hawaii and swam with wild dolphin, visited Africa and climbed Mt Kilimanjaro, (and I also took my father as a gift for his retirement), spent time in Paris, Cyprus, Napa Valley, LA, Arizona, Buenos Aires,Vegas, Utah, New York City, Morocco, Ireland and bonnie England.
Here's me in labour (!) in Ecuador, South America
So I guess you could say I love to travel . What is confusing to people though is how I have done this whilst building and maintaining a 6 figure business where my ideal clients come to me and I get plenty of free time to do whatever I like and to enjoy being a mama, and pursue my passions like playing with my son and exploring, photography, health and yoga.
It’s not by accident. It’s not random chance. A lucky coconut did not hit me on the head. It is what I have termed the use of ‘manifestation technology’. Technology that you can learn. Technology that works every time.
I’m so excited to be sharing some of my most recent manifestation technology with you all on the free call coming up this monday.
Katharine Dever Is an intuitive business mentor to women around the world helping them to sell and market services in a feminine way, overcome fears and doubts and make a living from their gifts, to live a life of their dreams. More>>