A few months ago I had this dream that I would give birth in a part of the World that I felt warm, supported and connected to Mother Earth.
My mother asked me “Are you giving birth in Bath hospital or Bristol hospital?” I asked my mum “Mummy, If you could give birth in any way you wanted, anywhere in the World what would be your dream?”
She laughed at me and looked a bit confused, rolled her eyes and I could see the familiar expression of exasperation cross her face. Followed by a resigned ‘Ok Katharine…’
But despite the reactions that made me doubt myself, somewhere deep inside me this felt possible…it became my newest miracle project, my new fascinating question. I had asked myself other empowering questions in the past that had allowed me to achieve my dreams- like “How can I appreciate my gifts and share them with others in fun and exciting ways?” “How good can I let it get” “What would I do/Who would I be if I had no fear?”
I asked my baby in meditation- Where do you want to be born? How do you want to enter the Earth, and where?
Can a woman really have all of her desires fulfilled?
Can she be a great mum, partner, friend, and still have a career she loves that she is passionate about, and take care of her inner and outer Self- financially, spiritually, and physically?
I’d have to say that this is the question I have been personally asking myself these last several weeks.
In March I discovered I was pregnant.
It was unplanned, unexpected and my partner and I had to ask if we were ready for bringing new life into the World.
As entrepreneurs he and I are very blessed to have a flexible work-from home schedule and have resources to comfortably raise a child, but we had other considerations to make: Did we have enough of a foundation as a couple for example, having been together less than a year, to raise a child together? And so much needed to change, regarding everything from our living situation to how we spent our money to how I was dressing!
I cried lots, and we talked for hours and we addressed all our fears.
All the time I could feel a smile in my heart, but I had to work through all the different fears and emotions with my partner before making such a life changing decision. Joyfully, despite all the things our minds needed to cover, we both felt in our hearts that we wanted to do this and were very grateful to be blessed with a child together.
Despite this, I had some major concerns about how having a baby would change my life.
How would I fit it all in- if I could at all?
I live an extraordinary life and I have such a lot of passion about what I do. I love to travel and live full out, and I enjoy taking risks and relying on my intuition to steer me through unknown ground.
When I found I was pregnant my immediate reaction was that ‘it was all over’, and my work and passions would fade into the background, whilst I became domesticated, housebound, frumpy and all the other stories I told myself that a mother ‘ought’ to be or had to be. I just went into a downward spiral, overwhelmed by the responsibility and feeling selfish, greedy and guilty that I still wanted to live my own life, and have a baby too.
For a while I sunk into a place of despair.
For the entire month, with my body changing, hormones raging, and so many uncertainties I began to unravel.
Everything that I had thought was important and all my priorities began shifting.
I also felt so tired and had so much sickness that I had to spend days in bed and cancel trips to the Amazon and Africa this year. I froze in my business, afraid to launch anything in case I would feel like this all 9 months of my pregnancy, I withdrew and went inward, seeking the answers I needed and praying for guidance.
I am one of those people who is awful at waiting…
But I trusted God in my heart and surrendered to what was occurring.
I decided I would use this opportunity to re-evaluate what was important and essential in my life, what I wanted my child to witness in my life as an example of what can be possible and to only do what I love with all my heart.
I realised that in my heart there was no limits- in fact the more that I centred myself there the more I saw that I had so much to give and to share and to receive. I wanted to allow myself to feel what I felt, all the worries, anxieties and not to shame myself for slowing right down – but to see this as part of my path and purpose.
There was a sense that I’d been given an opportunity to discover how I can balance life as an entrepreneur and mentor and philanthropist with being a mum and having a family.
A new opportunity to deepen into my work and my being, whilst sharing my struggles, successes, insights and learnings along the way.
And though there is always so much to learn, in my 4th month of pregnancy I feel ready and excited for this new life being birthed through me to the planet. I feel so grateful for the gift of life and a new sense of purpose.
As a I honour this little life growing inside me, I realise I don’t need to go to the Amazon this year to feel that pulse of life that I know I am here to help protect.
I don’t need to completely stop the work I am passionate about, as by allowing my whole self I can encourage all aspects of my femininity and with God’s grace live the life I am meant for even more lovingly, fully and deeply.
I took faith and courage from the women that I see in the public eye that do seem to have a successful career, relationship and still be wonderful mothers:
Women like JK Rowling who shared her gifts and created her billion pound fortune and 7 of the most famous books in the literary universe whilst not only suffering from depression but with her baby daughter, Jessica in tow.
Women like singer- songwriter, businesswoman, designer, & actress Gwen Stefani who takes her kids on tour whilst delivering her music and sharing her gifts to sold out stadiums all over the World. (and even performed whilst pregnant and in the first trimester- battling morning sickness at my last speaking gig was not much fun so I know why she said she felt ‘disgusting’!)
Women like Angelina Jolie, who ha a whole bunch of kids, is an award winning actress and global philanthropist and who like me has set big goals about what she wants to accomplish in the World, and doesn’t let what people think about her stop her fulfilling her dreams.
There are heaps more mums that personally inspire me, it’s fun to list a few, which mums inspire you?
The 2 billion mums on our planet are all megastars in their own families, and this new twist in the tale of my life has allowed me to feel a new awareness and respect for the journey of motherhood, and the incredible clients I have been honoured to serve who have balanced being a mum with being in business.
I’d say we really can have it all, but ‘having it all’ looks different for each of us. For bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert ‘having it all’ meant not having kids at all but choosing to live, travel, write and fall in love with her soul mate. Get clear on what ‘having it all’ really means for you. Ask yourself “What would my life look like if I had it all?”
No life is without complications, challenges and disappointments. Anyone of us can get our hearts broken, get ill or lose our jobs, houses or money, but when we have faith and a dream, with Love alive in our hearts and minds, we get to have our own version of having it all- because we are One with it all!
“You are linked to all life, and by magic, every gift you give becomes a gift to yourself.”